The Decision

The day finally arrived.  We made our hour trek to Jacksonville, one that had already started to become all too familiar.  Although nervous, I think we both still believed that the problem would be an easy fix.  “Take these pills and hope it’s not  twins.”  But unfortunately, that was not to be the case.  We found ourselves with only one possibility available, the one we both had said we would never want to do.  The one we both feared…IVF.

I remember being frozen.  After hearing the words, I think the world just stopped.  The doctor was talking, but nothing else sunk in.  IVF, IVF – that’s all that was going around in my head.  It was like an echo in a deep cavern that just wouldn’t end.  As I felt tears start to well, I caught myself and snapped back to the moment.  The doctor was still talking, explaining why, trying to be sympathetic to our situation.    We wrapped up the meeting and, although we still had no idea what we were doing, we scheduled the next step with the IVF nurse for a consultation.

Trying to put it behind us, we stopped to run some errands and found ourselves in a particular mobile service store.  We had been discussing upgrading our phones, and before we knew it we had passed away the hours, lost in the craziness that is purchasing phones at this particular establishment.  It was a nice break, but of course it was only a break and soon we found ourselves at home facing “the decision”.  Would we actually consider IVF as a solution?  What about the cost, the drugs, me going crazy?  Ok, so that was mostly me with the irrational questions.  My sweet husband was the one to talk me off the ledge, as usual.

Only a few days later, we met with the IVF nurse.  She was delightful, well, considering as much as you can be delightful under the circumstances.  I found myself contemplating the process.  Butterflies were growing in my stomach, and then the moment of truth.  The nurse with the price came in.  I think we both held our breath, and to our delight we were presented with a number that was beyond our dreams.  I think we both actually smiled at each other as we realized this was truly an option.

We left with a lighter heart, although I was terrified, the thought that we had one last option to make our own child a reality was beyond my dreams.  Weighted with papers outlining procedures, drugs and schedules we headed home.

A few days later, my husband texted me while on a business trip that the last piece of the puzzle, the price of the medications, had come in.  We were a go!  The decision was made and he began the grueling process of planning the next two months of our lives with the nurse.  By the time I arrived home, I had a calendar full of appointments, deposits paid, drugs ordered.  We were ready for the biggest adventure of our lives!

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