Up and down we go, the roller coaster of emotions has begun. We are now into our seventh day with the injections. Overall, I feel things have been going very well. My sweet husband has become a pro at giving them, despite how much he detests the chore. I am amazed at just how good he is and my tummy has only two tiny bruises, indicating the level of his talent. In my previous “Google craziness” in November, I saw some horrific photos of bruised and battered bellies. But thankfully, I am a very lucky girl.
The first few days had low activity, therefore I was not certain that things were working. Despite a little discomfort a few moments after the injections and a headache, I seemed very calm and normal. I wasn’t sure what I excepted, but I felt like I was waiting to see myself explode with emotion. Unfortunately, that day did arrive and ironically after our first check-in point where we heard excellent news of our “perfect progress”. I just felt upset, alone and desperately sad. It was a rough day to say the least and at times I was inconsolable, weeping as if the end of the world was at hand. I was relieved and thrilled that we were making progress, but the weight of everything, the impending needles every night, the exhaustion over little movements, and the weight in my growing belly. It all just came crashing down on me. And so I cried.
For me the worst part of these moments is how it hurts my husband. I hate knowing that nothing he does can soothe me. I hate seeing him at his wits end with me. I hate hurting him. But again, he triumphs and pulls me out of my desolation. Yes, I am a very lucky lady. While he doesn’t see it, to me he is the strongest person I know. He is my hero and my inspiration. Because of him, I am pushing myself to get through this. Because of his love and support, I know I can do it. Because he’s so good at the injections, I continue to “just lie back and think of happier times”.
Yes, IVF is a roller coaster for so many reasons. And yes, I’m not a fan of the really crazy, topsy turvy roller coasters. But the fast, exhilarating, middle of the road just hang on and go up and down…I say, bring it on.