Today, December 31, 2013 was the longest day on record for me. Despite an early start and a quick stick, from 9am on, it felt like the day that would never end. I’m not sure what part of my brain thought we would have the results and be off celebrating the new year and whatever that meant by noon, but I was definitely wrong.
After departing the doctor’s office once again, we headed to try to pass the hours, first with a stop at the outlets in St. Augustine and then with time spent wandering the famous city. With every passing minute the butterflies in my stomach grew larger. I was completely distracted and unable to focus on anything going on around me. When asked to decide where to eat, I was at a loss, angry with again not knowing, do I avoid the turkey sandwich or can I indulge in an adult beverage. The unknown still loomed all around and my anxiety was ever present no matter how much I tried to focus on the lovely city.
We wandered the streets and the Flagler College campus, finally deciding the distraction wasn’t working. The journey home was via the coast road, offering the familiar vistas that usually produce a sense of calm and happiness. But no matter what house was pointed out to me, or discussion of the bike lanes, the silent phone haunted me.
Knowing that the doctor’s office was closing for the holiday at 2:30, by 2:20pm I was beside myself, and we determined that calling was the best solution. After being informed that the nurse was still making calls and it might be a while, we finally broke down and headed for the pharmacy to buy an over-the-counter test. As we drove home, I joked that as soon as I opened the box the nurse would call. Fortunately, she did not, and to my ultimate delight the first test quickly turned positive. As my husband looked at the stick and announced to me, “you’re pregnant, sweetie,” I was still filled with doubt. Upon some quick assurance via the internet that my hormone drugs could not cause a false positive, I took the second test getting the same result in record time.
Not five minutes later the phone rang, and we were given the official news. Yes, I was pregnant. My numbers looked good and to come in on Thursday for a follow-up test. I was pregnant, I am pregnant. I still can’t believe it. There is life growing inside of me. We have completed the journey and the ultimate prize is ours. One hour to midnight and I’ve never had a year with more promise; with more excitement; that I’m more terrified of.
Eighteen years ago today, my dear grams suffered the heart attack that would take her away from us. It was a sad day for my family, but a day she smiled. Today a new memory is attached to this day. It’s not the day one of the dearest people on earth started to leave me, but the day my future dearest person started their journey to be with me.
So goodbye 2013. I have a special date waiting on me next year!